Finding the Shells….. Middelton Beach.

From the time I was about 16, I constantly asked “what is this life all about.?”  I used to run to the beach as a girl, sobbing with confusion at my parents terrible arguments, sit on a rock and cry to the wind ‘Hey God, I’m in the wrong family!!! Questions about energy, the law of attraction, karma, what happens when we die, why are we here, what’s it all about?  Is spirit able to influence us? Is intuition our guiding force? These are questions I’ve been seeking answers to my entire life. So, one time, about 10 years ago I found myself at the cross roads. I had turned my back on my spiritual questioning and development, and believed in a man, his promises, “the story”.  But life has a funny way of bringing you back to your knees…. and the following story is about that time.

‘I sat on a wooden seat at Middelton Beach, alone, heavy hearted, bereft with confusion. My second marriage was falling apart and I’d left Brisbane to spend some time with my mother in Albany, a small town in the south west of W.A. The wind was howling like I remembered it from my childhood. I felt completely numb. What do I do next? Where do I go from here? If I was blunt with myself I knew the relationship was over. The pattern had become rote. We had tried for 5 years to make it work and had failed. 

Our arguments had become a battleground of power and control and would escalate if I didn’t back down. I was tired of acquiescing for the sake of peace.  I understood the repetition of patterns learned in childhood. How we re-live them until we learn, grow stronger and let go. I realised full well where I’d learnt this pattern (childhood) and yet unconsciously and emotionally I seemed to be driven to keep repeating the drama.

Hence, I was emotionally exhausted on every level. 

The clouds obscured the sun and I pulled my jacket up around my neck. It was August, a chilly time of the year to be back in Albany. Suddenly, I felt an urge to walk down to the right hand corner of the beach, towards the rocks where I used to sit as a girl, crying into the wind, asking for help then too. As I walked over the mounds of seaweed I stood quietly, gazing. The rock I used to sit on remained unchanged and the jetty I remembered as a kid, stood stoically, solid. 

I turned slightly, and sitting there in perfect mint condition was a large shell. A whole rather large shell! I looked around, amazed at my discovery. Surely early morning walkers would have spotted this beauty?  I picked it up and held it to my chest marvelling in my lucky find. ‘Thank you’ I whispered. A feeling of reassurance washed over me as I intuitively felt that everything would work out all right, that I would rise through this wall of emotional turmoil that hovered alongside and within me.

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The following day, I decided to repeat this. I drove to the beach early,  sat on the bench and talked to ‘god’. Once again, I walked to the right hand corner of the beach and there among the mounds of seaweed was a second shell, almost in perfect condition. What were the chances? I was completely gobsmacked. The only other miracle like this that had happened was the time I was chosen out of an audience at a Doris Stokes Show.

But this, came right in my hour of need.’ 

I re tell this story because it inspires me that perhaps we are all being guided far more than we know.  We are never alone, even when we feel we are. There is always hope and that is something we should never ever let go of especially when we feel lost, exhausted, alone and bewildered as I certainly did during that period in my life.

Lub Loni xx

 

 

 

The Outback

So far as the great aussie outback is concerned, where I’ve been working they don’t consider it too ‘outback’. It’s 1.5 – 2 hours (depending on your car) to ‘town’ so in terms of our outback’s, it’s not that far. However, it sure feels a long way when ones phone has no reception, but also in a funny way, freeing. There once was life before mobile phones! Yet, amid the dusty days, the blaring sun, drought conditions and vast horizons, I began to see and feel, what it is about the outback that people fall so in love with.

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Raising children in these environments is not without it’s challenges, home schooling, isolation from friends and other family, being ultra organised because your local shop is not around the corner are just a few. Yet there is something to be said for kids that are free to run around without their shoes on, to kick a ball without worrying it’s going to land on a road, to create new games to play and to learn to play nicely with one another. Children who are learning the value of friendship, of books, of ‘helping out’  and who read at night instead of watching TV or playing on I pads. Children, who look at the world as children, with awe and wonderment and that pure sense of adventure and imagination.

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And who are also learning team work with their parents, how to handle a horse and to muster cattle. These are life skills that are invaluable and incentive to get the school work done early!

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The outback, leaves an indelible impression on you, one that lingers, long after arriving ‘home’. It leaves its mark, helps shape you, give a fresh perspective. I’ve seen first hand, how hard life can be out there, long hot hours working in the blazing sun fixing fences or whatever problem arises. This attitude of ‘get on and do it’ is what helped to build this country and it gave me a deeper appreciation of my forefathers.  Yet it’s gifts, oh the gifts of nature, of the very heartbeat of this country is what would take me out again.

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Meet Mrs Dog.

Always watching, ready for a game. She may be getting old, but she’s as loyal as the day is long, just like her human companions. Salt of the earth folk. Real folk who mean what they say and say what they mean. And whose country hospitality also leaves a lasting impression which I’m so extremely grateful for. xx

Woop Woop

Recently, a friend came on facebook messenger,  asking me where are you’?  I replied ‘oh, out woop woop’,  then suddenly realised what a funny expression that was for anyone whose english is not their first language, like my dear belgium friend. She is probably scratching her head thinking ‘where the  darn is woop woop?’..

How do we explain that term, which rolls so succinctly off our aussie tongues?

Answer: A long way from the nearest town.

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We are not 10 minutes from the nearest town… we are 1.5 hours drive from Clermont, or  2 hours, depending on the vehicle your’e driving, or if you take a wrong turn. Believe me, out here, in woop woop, it’s easy to do. There is the time of day when one drives, that one needs to consider, because there are the roo’s  (kangaroos) hovering road side and the occasional family of bush pigs or cows,  who run out in the middle of the road, startled by your headlights. So they stop.  Right there, in front of you. One minute your driving  100 kms, the next you’ve hit the brakes, struggling to do 10 kmh.

The nearest neighbours are 10 kms away and the sky is a starry bright palette to which I am unaccustomed and when the sun goes down and the birds have tuckered down it is extremely quiet out here.  But that sky.  Mere words can not adequately explain it.

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It has been a grande experience, re connecting with people and children I care for greatly. When a 8 year old holds your face and says “you’re great and I love ya” it kinda strikes a place in your heart. ‘Awww’ as a reply, doesn’t really cut it. But I take away the love, the feeling which reminds me that most succinct experiences are not spoken, but are felt by the heart.

Naturally,  being out ‘woop woop’ is not without it’s challenges, one of which is the heat. (The isolation came in second place.)  Mid morning, the sun slaps your face as you suddenly realise, ‘shit, it’s burning’.. and scurry inside to locate your wide brim hat. (And slap on some sunscreen while your at it.)

Walking hand in hand with it’s seeming harshness is a raw beauty we are not privvy to in the city. Its a vibe, a slowing down, a feeling that I haven’t felt until being out here. Miles from nowhere. Woop Woop. Everyone should go here. My mother used to talk about the big skies and ‘fairy lands’ she discovered as a girl, living in a tin shed with flour bag walls out near Southern Cross, Western Australia.

I am beginning to know my mother a whole lot more, a whole lot deeper as I spend precious time out ‘woop woop’ discovering what she was privvy too, 70 odd years before me. Wow.

 

Adaptability

A few years ago I watched a film called “The lady in number 6.” It was a short doco shown at the Gympie Film Festival. In fact, maybe I’ve already referred to it before in another blog… The short version is Alice survived a concentration camp and what struck me so profoundly was when she said ‘you had to learn to be adaptable, if not, your life could be over in a split second.’

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Now, on another note, sometimes people call me ‘changeable’ because I’m a gemini. Yet once I was seeing a counsellor and always left his office feeling positive and self empowered, as he rephrased a ‘negative’ into a positive and called me adaptable. Some people put a lot of emphasis on star signs and ok, Im a gemini, ok, being changeable is part of our natures, but really, it is true for many. I’m not a big advocate of star signs because I feel we are all a mixture of many signs. You take a little of this, a little of that, but I don’t base my life along being a gemini with a pisces moon because at the crux of my being is a soul who is timeless and ageless and has no star sign. We are so much more than our star signs so why limit ourselves? 

A few years ago I wasn’t so adaptable. I remember sitting at my girlfriends house balling my eyes out saying ‘I no longer have a home’! I had left my partner, (finally) and in doing so, said goodbye to all our plans, goals and dreams. And my ‘home’. This is how I know Ive grown, because now I am so much better at going with the flow. My ‘home’ is wherever my pillow is. I’m now able to travel, to experience very different cultures, lifestyles and people and I love every moment even the challenging moments….

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My little car, full of my possessions no longer define me. I no longer long for ‘things’. I long for peace, wisdom, a deeper connection with spirit, a more thorough understanding of my self, my relationships and understanding the reasons ‘why’ things happen. Of course there is a fine line between wanting to understand and simply allowing. Not analysing and being in present time. It’s always a juggling act…

 

 

 

Double Rainbow

What a week.

And so apt that last week I blogged about ‘Change’ which is about being adaptable and willing to let go… of … relationships, people, jobs, what ever no longer serves us. AND so, some of you know, I set sail to Sydney as I thought I was heading to a ‘dream job’. Too good NOT to at least, try.  However, it soon became apparent that I did not have all the facts to make an informed decision and once again, was thrown a curve ball.

Yet is was also a grande opportunity to face my own principles. Those old questions arose again ‘was my need to please and gain approval of others going to dictate my now inadequate situation? Or was I going to stand my ground, speak my truth and set forth, yet again, amid my life feels topsy turvy and transitory?

I’m getting better (finally) at knowing what is NOT going to serve me. And so, as I drove out of Sydney back towards Brisbane feeling ‘what on earth was THAT all about?’ suddenly I saw this. A double rainbow. It came out of the blue. I drove into it and in a split second (well, about 20 seconds to be precise) it was gone.

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It took my breath away, far more beautiful than this photograph could ever capture.

I looked up what a double rainbow meant : According to the art and philosophy of Feng Shui,double rainbows “are considered symbolic of transformations in your life. The material world is represented by the first rainbow while the second rainbow is the spiritual world.’

Beautiful.

Sometimes we don’t know what’s around the corner, we can act in good faith and make decisions on the information we are given. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. Yet as I saw this rainbow I suddenly felt that this past week had all been a test. Was I going back into old patterns that were hardwired into my brain? Or was I going to be gusty and brave and say no… and stay true to my self as I grow in self  love? Lub loni xx

 

That lil word ‘change’

Never has a word struck more fear into the hearts of many than the word Change. It can show up in an instant and cripple even the strongest of men. How we react around the changing circumstances of our lives really tests us on the deepest level. Recently someone said to me ‘oh I have no fear’ yet it is very easy to say that when you are living a comfortable life isn’t it? Far harder if you lose everything overnight! What then? How’s your fear barometer doing? How do you sit with the word Change? What needs attention or changing in your world?

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I love the story of  Neal Donald Walsch, a man whom had no health insurance and found himself penniless after an accident.  He is living proof that so often “change”  gives us opportunities that we never ever considered. Yet what courage is required of us to literally walk out into the world penniless!! We humans are creatures of habit and enjoy our comforts and lets face it, it’s easy to talk the talk. Of course we feel fearless when we have a roof over our head, money in the bank and our immediate future looking pretty okay. Far more challenging when we are put to the test!

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Which brings me to the next person whom I have adored for many years. She left her old life as she knew it, for a spiritual calling in her 50’s and walked across America in aid of peace. Her name was Peace Pilgram and her simple life embraced a rich inner spirituality.  http://www.peacepilgrim.com

In the hope of inspiring and encouraging you to grow, to take on fresh opportunities, to step outside of maybe your comfort zone…. embrace something different and remember to breathe, relax in the letting go of what is no longer required and trust….. xx

 

In memory of Guz

My sister in law passed over into the spirit world over Easter.

I saw her when I visited W.A. in February. I knew how ill she was, poor love. Cancer had well and truly ravaged her.  As she walked me to my car one afternoon, I felt we were saying goodbye. I hugged her fragile body and really couldn’t find words to say. Goodbye feels so final. ‘See ya later’ is what I usually say, but this day, something caught in my throat. I knew her time was severely limited and felt particularly sad for her kids and my brother who had been with her for many many years.

I reflected on primary school and meeting Guz who wanted to play in my netball team. Being captain, I had to make any necessary changes each week, listen to girls who wanted to play different positions and adjust the team accordingly. She always had an easy going laugh about her which I instantly warmed to. Who knew that one day, a couple of decades up the track, she would marry one of my brothers?

Over the years we drifted apart. I moved away. We lived in different states and at times it felt like we lived on different planets. People grow apart, interests change and some move on. Yet recently, when I was back home, I realised something hadn’t changed that much. We linked back into a past we could both recall. Times before children were born, before partners and divorces, and long before family fall outs over trivial issues.

And so as I sit thinking about Guz as we affectionately called her at school, I know that life goes on. We feel our sadness and accept our grief. None of us know how long we have. Anything can happen and I try to always be mindful of a quote I recently read….

“We are all just walking each other home.”

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