I recently jotted notes down when I saw Alan Pease interviewed and he said ‘women’s brains light up differently than men when they first meet someone they are attracted to.’ Apparently it’s the same centre that lights up when you have a hit of cocaine, (not that I have experienced that). It is so strong that instantly those ‘feel good hormones’ are flooding our bodies. Alas, not so, for a man. He stays a little, more grounded, it seems.
Harville Hendrix talks about his views, in his best selling book ‘Keeping the love you find’. Basically, the premise is the stronger the attraction to a potential mate, the more unhealed stuff we have from one of our primary caregivers. Our subconscious minds know we have a chance at healing our past hurt with this ‘new’ person. Isn’t that incredible?
Then we get onto the subject of psychopaths, narcissists and sociopaths whom can quickly sum up a person (victim?) before they have even uttered 2 words to each other. These people come on very charming, have the gift of the gab and suck a person in – in a jiffy! Lo -betide if you walk down any road with one of them.
So with all that swimming around in my mind, last year a spiritual teacher said ‘fall in love with your eyes closed.’ Now, I get what she means…. Sure, we shouldn’t be so impressed by the outside package when we are visual people … a I have gone down that road, falling in love with a French man. We had a long distance thing going for a couple of months where I fell more in love every time I heard his voice, on the telephone. When I flew back to France to be with him, I found a man who was very damaged, projecting his angst on me whilst being totally confused about his sexuality. Hence, that didn’t work. So, due to my hard won experiences… I think its imperative to date with our eyes wide open, our hearts willing to love and our self -awareness constantly weighing things up. At the end of the day, I’m going to listen to my intuition, as I learn to lean and depend on it more fully and continue to heal my unhealed ‘stuff’ as best I can.